3…2…1. Countdown. Fireworks. Hooray~!
It’s a new year.
Every year, I make a list of resolutions. They tend to be ridiculously long.
-Become nicer.
-Get straight As.
-Win this. Place in that.
-Lose weight.
-Etc.etc.
Every year, it’s just a list that becomes misplaced, used as a bookmark, and simply forgotten for 525, 600 minutes (ps- I love Rent). If I happen to find it or remember what was written, it just creates a frown on my face that may look like :< or T___T
This year, it’ll be different.
Coming to Dartmouth, I feel like I instinctively dropped my sense of importance and my previous accomplishments as if they no longer defined me. In the midst of intelligent peers, I humbled down…perhaps maybe even too much. I’ve never thought I was very smart to begin with. With my older brother and mother always criticizing me for my lack of common sense and constantly reminding me that I was stupid, soon or later I kind of accepted it. At first, I’d argue. Justify myself. End up crying, writing in my diary, and being angry at God. Later, I noticed myself not being able to easily retain information like my friends. Not being able to understand simple concepts and quickly being disappointed. Blahblah.
Regardless, I am here now, clearly not the “sharpest tool in the shed.” I consider myself a realist. Though oftentimes I pretend to be an optimist, it just doesn’t work. I feel like to others I may seem simple. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that many things make me happy. Yet, I’m much more complicated than what I seem and a lot more than what I say. My desires in this life go beyond what I jokingly or whimsically illustrate to others. No, I don’t actually want to be a hair stylist, kpop star, or a mere stay-at-home-mom. With how much I have been blessed with, I am obligated to give more to this world. I want to be an influence, a source of good change to others. I want to guide young minds and affect the world. I want to be referred to and remembered as someone with original thoughts.
I want God to look at me and smile. I want my parents to be prideful in the fact that I am their daughter. I want my brothers’ respect.
Yet, right now – I’m not good enough. I don’t want this to be good enough. I’d be too ashamed if this, who I am now, was someone’s role model.
This year’s resolutions: strengthen faith and knowledge of God, do well in school, fix my body, fight my fears, and believe in what I am capable of.
It’s 2011. It’s happening.
