BIG Sigh*

feels as though I've wasted my entire day trying to accomplish one thing that seems to have failed.


but it's okay.
because i have hope. because i'm not just gonna let myself perish and wither with self-pity and self-hate


gogogogogogogo
studytime begins now/

The end of my first

college year is almost here.

I was talking with my mom recently about how I felt so disappointed.
How I felt as though I have gained nothing, as though I've wasted this entire year.
How miserable I felt because I let myself become fatter, become lazier. I let myself transform into this complaining monster.

I can't really say I don't really feel that now, because that wouldn't be true.
But I feel something in addition.

I feel so thankful.
So thankful for these first memories-

the first class I attended
the first person I talked to
the first roommate I had
the first fellowship I joined
the first time I cried in college
the first pong game I played
the first 1902 all-nighter
the first Hinman letter I got

Thank you so much. (& there's definitely so much moree)

Thank you for the friendships I have created. The love that people have shown me.
The encouraging, disciplining, understanding advisers You've placed in my life.
Thank you God that I didn't give up. Thank you God that I am still trying to understand Your love.

I have failed so so much. I have been so weak, so stubborn, so bitter, so sad, so hypocritical, so rude, so negative, so sinful.
Yet, You didn't let me give up and I am just so thankful.

Sorry for who I am currently. Sorry that I haven't achieved my potentials.
I'm so sorry but I have hope.
"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" (Romans 5:5)

:)
I'll write more later.
Byebye!

Grrrrrr......

so much work!
i wish i could EAT IT-*
that would be a lot easier

i also wish i was at six flags
or was outside playing since its such a good weather

and i could have been
but i just chose to be in my room
"studying"  -_- too bad i'm so unproductive! grrrrrr.

i also miss homeee

uh oh, i need to control my whining
i'll stop right here but just know that inside i have like 10+ things to complain about
lol but almost there! go juliana go! (self encouragement ftw)

i realized i have three main emotions that construct my life:
(&they are usually to the extreme, darnit)
1. ^__^
2. T__T
3. D:<

i am at #3 today

but nonono
no time to rawr at the world
and nope, it's not ending today
geeeeesh
the world can end after i'm dead
kthxbai

AHHHHHHHHhh

I HATE WRITING THIS PAPERRRRRR!!!!!!!

okay
that's all
goodbye

no facebook

how should i waste time....................................................

maybe i shouldn't
lol-___-
D;

Dear God,

Don't let me die.
Don't let go of me because I need you so much.

I feel so miserable.
I feel like you've taken away so much.
Where is the joy that you put in my life? Where is the love I had?
I'm failing school. I'm failing life. I'm failing in so many ways.
I'm dragging people into my misery, God. I'm so sorry. I have so many problems.
I used to find everything so happy. I saw happiness in others but now I just see everything depressing.
Help me.
Please? :(

Don't you give up now.
The sun will soon be shining.
You gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining.

Be Kind-*

for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
-Plato

You can never know what people are going through. No one is transparent even when they may seem really open with you. So much of yourself will alway be inside only you. You can never assume anything by one's appearance, talents or lifestyle.

YOUR words are so powerful. It truly is amazing how one's words are capable of bringing you a smile or destroying your entire day. Some people are soooo good at making you feel miserable and discouraged. Let's not be like them! Ever!

AHHHHhhh!

I just erased by 10min of blogging because I think people would have thought that I'm actually crazy

o__________o!

^^*

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson