The end of my first

college year is almost here.

I was talking with my mom recently about how I felt so disappointed.
How I felt as though I have gained nothing, as though I've wasted this entire year.
How miserable I felt because I let myself become fatter, become lazier. I let myself transform into this complaining monster.

I can't really say I don't really feel that now, because that wouldn't be true.
But I feel something in addition.

I feel so thankful.
So thankful for these first memories-

the first class I attended
the first person I talked to
the first roommate I had
the first fellowship I joined
the first time I cried in college
the first pong game I played
the first 1902 all-nighter
the first Hinman letter I got

Thank you so much. (& there's definitely so much moree)

Thank you for the friendships I have created. The love that people have shown me.
The encouraging, disciplining, understanding advisers You've placed in my life.
Thank you God that I didn't give up. Thank you God that I am still trying to understand Your love.

I have failed so so much. I have been so weak, so stubborn, so bitter, so sad, so hypocritical, so rude, so negative, so sinful.
Yet, You didn't let me give up and I am just so thankful.

Sorry for who I am currently. Sorry that I haven't achieved my potentials.
I'm so sorry but I have hope.
"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" (Romans 5:5)

:)
I'll write more later.
Byebye!