God lives within me.

I can say this a hundred times.
I could probably even make a song or a kid drawing page out of it.
Yet, it is so hard to completely accept and remember.

In me, God is living; but I have trapped Him. I put him in a box and locked him in. I'm holding the key, but I can't seem to open Him. I'm too afraid. My faith is too weak.
Why can't I let God shine out of me?
Why am I doubting His power? Why do I keep denying the fact that God can use me?
Why do I feel so incompetent? :(

It doesn't make sense that He would use the weak.
If you could use a sturdy, unbreakable pencil - why would you choose to use the broken, dull one?
What am I doing, God? Where are you leading me? Am I blind in Your journey?

I also thought about how God breaks people, puts them in the lowest state to pick them up with His hands.
I also just ripped my pants o_o but just like this rip, if I patched it up - it's stronger. Though it can rip again, with the new piece of cloth, it's stronger and harder to rip again. God is making us stronger for us to endure through any unexpected surprise in life.

In Agape, someone also said that your faith, your spirituality is not based on how well you can interpret the Bible or how much you pray. This sorta struck me. Though not in entirely, this was definitely a factor in determining one's faith, how far one was in his/her walk with God. Is it really by your actions? Is it really what you do for others?

I don't know.

What I do know is that my journey can be slow. I can take a step by step, discover more of Him little by little - because this isn't a race and there is no end in God's path.

If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?