Perfection.

Blaaah. I'm so imperfect...
I almost wrote an ultra bitter blog, but then I erased it.

I missed church three weeks in a row :((
Sorry God. I suck.

buuut I just read in this little book my priest gave me earlier this month. It's called Magnificat and has monthly issues with daily prayers, the word, and meditation. I haven't touched it at all until this morning & I discovered:

 'Perfection is nothing else than the faithful co-operation of the soul with the work of God, and it begins, grows and is consummated in our souls secretly and without our being aware of it.' -Father de Caussade


My idea of perfection is so flawed.
My image of a perfect figure is so beautiful. Pretty face, slim body, intelligent mind, selfless and loving heart. Self-disciplined. Follows plans.  Loved unconditionally. Genuine. Has a hot male counterpart... -_-
.
Not lazy. Not bitter.Not anxious about the future. Not afraid. Not struggling in easy classes. Not binge eating and feeling disgusting. Not wasting time. Not failing.
Everything I lack, this figment epitomically demonstrates.
This illusion I created covered up Jesus Christ.

I've forgotten about God's designs and will. His power to embrace us with love that is soooo divine and so perfect, that nothing else in this world matters. Lately, I have just been only concentrated on theological knowledge. So many questions just got stuck in my mind. Why was it that I had to seek God? If He really does love me that much why can't He find me and engulf me with knowledge and love? How could I be a princess in His kingdom if I'm a servant? What kind of royalty is this?! If what come out of one's mouth make him unclean because it affects the heart, how can those who honor Him with their lips have hearts that are so far from Him?

Yet, it is not the philosophy or scientific fire that warms us. God creates sanctity in our souls and not intellectual speculations about this principle.

"If we wish to quench our thirst, we must lay aside books which explain thirst, and take a drink."
I need to take a drink. Gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp.
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Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
I remembered the song by Natalie Grant - Perfect People. She sings that "there's no such thing as perfect people" but if God lives within us, shouldn't we be perfect? There is such thing as perfect people & I will become one of them.


Lord, please shower me with joy. It is day by day we live for you, not once a week, or once a month.
Just like this, help me live day by day. 하루하루 열심히. I can't give up. If I take a wrong path, I shall make a new route in the right direction.


God will give me strength. After all - I am His princess, right?